i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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