I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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