he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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