I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
