I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
