last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
