I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We have so much sex to catch up on
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
