I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
