We won't sleep together?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
