This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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