Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
