i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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