umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
false alarm, still single
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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