Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
