did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I stole a fireplace last night.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
