If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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