i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
