You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
