I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
