i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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