Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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