If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
