in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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