I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
