While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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