scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
