I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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