Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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