i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
