My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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