i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
