he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
