i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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