dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
