Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
