My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
