FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
