So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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