i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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