just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
