Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
