I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
