my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
