I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
