so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
