I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
