i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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