I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
