so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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