Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
tonight lets celebrate not being married
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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