PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
