I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
