We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
