no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
